Juillet

Every summer I make a playlist. It's a ritualistic marking of the season for me. Last summer's playlist was Tom Milsom and Summer Camp and We Were Evergreen. Listening to the songs now fills me up with this weird nostalgia for missing people that were too far away and unrequited feelings and Izzes. Those aren't really great things to be nostalgic about, but I hear my old feelings whenever I listen to that playlist.

This summer, I made another playlist. It's all New Order and Gwen Stefani and The Strokes and Bon Iver. I listen to these songs now and hear possibilities of memories. I hear July, a month that isn't fully realized until it's over, for me. A month of staying up too late watching movies and missing people too much and reciting pretty poetry to no one in particular at the pool. It's been a really strange time for me. I guess you could say it's been a period of growth(???) but it mainly feels like the sort of putzing around that people do when they've graduated from college and don't know what to do with themselves just yet. I've started saying "yo" in public so I mean if that isn't a clear enough image for you. My summer playlist has been the background music to all of it and out of all of it, the lyric that's resonated me with me the most is Every man is happy until happiness is suddenly a goal. Like goddamn. 

And I guess that's it. The reason I've probably struggled each year with the month of July is because I'm expecting that letter in the mail that never comes, instead of just enjoying my time.

In any case, August is always lovely.