Juillet

Every summer I make a playlist. It's a ritualistic marking of the season for me. Last summer's playlist was Tom Milsom and Summer Camp and We Were Evergreen. Listening to the songs now fills me up with this weird nostalgia for missing people that were too far away and unrequited feelings and Izzes. Those aren't really great things to be nostalgic about, but I hear my old feelings whenever I listen to that playlist.

This summer, I made another playlist. It's all New Order and Gwen Stefani and The Strokes and Bon Iver. I listen to these songs now and hear possibilities of memories. I hear July, a month that isn't fully realized until it's over, for me. A month of staying up too late watching movies and missing people too much and reciting pretty poetry to no one in particular at the pool. It's been a really strange time for me. I guess you could say it's been a period of growth(???) but it mainly feels like the sort of putzing around that people do when they've graduated from college and don't know what to do with themselves just yet. I've started saying "yo" in public so I mean if that isn't a clear enough image for you. My summer playlist has been the background music to all of it and out of all of it, the lyric that's resonated me with me the most is Every man is happy until happiness is suddenly a goal. Like goddamn. 

And I guess that's it. The reason I've probably struggled each year with the month of July is because I'm expecting that letter in the mail that never comes, instead of just enjoying my time.

In any case, August is always lovely.

This Book Changed My Life

Exactly a year and three days ago, I started this blog with the intention of documenting my experiences with The Book: This Book Will Change Your Life. Things didn't exactly pan out as I'd anticipated; I got a bit sidetracked and eventually stopped completing the tasks and subsequently stopped cataloging it. Apparently my life changed just fine without the help of The Book.

I guess The Book has become something more abstract for me, not so much a list of things to do, but a gentle reminder to continue to do things that I wouldn't normally consider.  (Not to mention The Book had like a lot of things I couldn't complete like try porn star sex positions um not happening sorry.) I started out with The Book as a very different person; someone a lot more cautious of crowds and eager to stay home when mention of a party was made. Now I'm less cautious of crowds and I stick around the food tables at parties. In all seriousness, my life has changed in many ways within the past revolution around the sun, and while I'm still working towards the person I want to be, I'm happy with where my life is right now.

A short aside to Mr Hancock, the person that gave me The Book: Thank you. My first summer in New Jersey was a lonely one, and The Book consumed a lot of my boredom during the long stretch before school. Still now, in situations where I'm feeling nervous, I find myself thinking "Ah, what the hell." Also, still haven't met Snooki, but maybe I'll get lucky soon.