How to Charm Your Teachers

As I've stated before, I'm currently writing a novel, which is scary and fun and chaotic. But mainly fun. Sharing writing is a nerve-wracking endeavor but, just like writing itself, feels so good after the coffee drinking-esque nervousness subsides. So here is a small snippet of chapter seven in my novel which is, as of now, still untitled. Enjoy. Or not. No pressure.

7. How To Charm You Teachers

I don’t know if I’m like, the Hermione Granger of my school or something, but all of my teachers adore me.* Like this morning, I was walking in to get some coffee from Dunkin Donuts and I saw my old tenth grade English teacher, Mr. Smyrna. If I hadn’t seen him, I would’ve made my way to work and sat through another boring day, listlessly checking in books. But when you’ve charmed a teacher and they see you in a coffee shop a year later, you end up staying behind half an hour and chatting with this humorous, unfairly handsome man.
There are a few pointers that I’d like to share with you to get to this point.

• Read books. Lots of them and especially the ones from the classic section. Teachers dig it when their students are lounging during class reading a copy of Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle. Just make sure you've got a twentieth century American classic in hand, otherwise the lounging part is counterproductive.
• Be a respectful, studious wallflower. This one is pretty obvious, I mean, what teacher wants their students drawing caricatures of them and talking about last night’s episode of Jersey Shore in class?
• Even though you want to be respectful and studious and whatnot, you have to learn to walk that fine line between being coquettish and cheeky and being Daniel Tosh. You’ll learn as you go.
• Stay a little while after class and talk to your teacher. It could be a question about the assignment, a remark about how amazing their new haircut looks (although you should use this one sparingly, as they know how to spot out empty compliments which this one mostly likely will be), or a conversation about how wonderful Roger Ebert’s tweets are. Once you engage with your teacher, they’ll know you’re a sweet and saucy intellectual with fine taste that enjoys talking to elders.**
• Finally, be me. It’s that simple. This will one hundred percent guarantee you to win the heart of every teacher you meet. Every. One.

*With the exception of my French teacher. What can I say? French is hard, and she’s an angsty teacher that writes poetry in a notebook that's bigger than her head. And also my freshman history teacher, the one that wore Winne the Pooh sweaters-What do you mean Wikipedia isn’t a reliable source of information?!

**What? This isn’t you? Now would be a great time to fake it if you want that 4.0 GPA, honey.

Day 125: I wrote a novel once

I wrote a novel at age thirteen, what did you ever do?
You know when you're watching the Olympics, gawking at these teenage world-class athletes, thinking What the hell am I doing with my life? Yeah, not me. Because I wrote a novel last year at age thirteen and that's enough to make me feel more accomplished than a gold medal-winner in London.
I'm doing this crazy thing called NaNoWriMo: National Novel Writing Month. That's right, a month dedicated to writing a 50,000 word-novel in 30 days. What's more is that November is my birth month. Happy birthday to me.
So I'm sure you're just dying to know what I'm writing about, aren't you? Here is the premise:

Audrey is an observant, opinionated, and witty 16 year-old, working at a public library. Through her time working as a librarian there, she discovers the beauty of human relationships, missed connections, and working with very eccentric people. As an aspiring writer, Audrey catalogs her insights and experiences each night at midnight over coffee with her boyfriend, Michael and her best friend, Stella, soon realizing that these small trinkets and conversations she's having with people are leading to an interweaving mystery all of its own.
This is her story.

Intriguing, no? It's a very memoir-meets-fiction-meets-mystery novel type of deal. I resist all labels and genres. So far I'm doing swimmingly, at over 2000 words on day one and documenting ideas and inspiration sources in a nifty journal of mine. It's fun and insane and stressful and exhilarating all at once, which is why I love writing so much.
It's weird to think that in less than 30 days I'll have a novel. Brain 'splosion. And hurricane Sandy almost interfered with that. Don't frak with the Trinster.
Also, I've been writing small couplets and poems lately like this one:
Seventeen, sexy, severing you soliloquy.
They tell me that I'm wordy,
That lisps are for the nerdy.

Not sure where that one is going, but I like it. Pretty brill, right? Happy November, kids and Don't Forget To Be Awesome.

Interlude about Politics and Friends

Lesson learned today: do not talk about politics with your friends at lunch unless they a) have the same views as you b) you never really liked them anyway or c) you want to engage in a verbal smackdown, with you ultimately winning but also losing a friend.
When you have a wide range of friends "expressing" their opinions-some having conservative views and you having liberal views-there will be mushroom clouds. Trust me.

Just don't do it.

But you know you've got awesome friends when they make political jokes like,"binders full of nerds". The best.

Day 116: Stone Cold Scorpio

For once, today, actually take your horoscope seriously. 
Hrm. Let me give you a debrief on my opinions of horoscopes: If you actually take these things seriously, I can't take you seriously.
No, really. I'm sorry, guys. I get it, you want some insight into the enigma that is you. But really? Horoscopes? Trust me, my best friend is all about horoscopes and whenever I meet people that pique my interest she immediately asks what sign they are. It drives me mad.
I am a Scorpio, and honestly, when I read about this sign we kinda do sound pretty kick-ass. I don't mind being associated with characteristics like: driven, passionate, loyal, observant, deep, sensitive, seductive, and powerful. I just really don't think that you can base someone's personality and life off of what month they were born in.
But the challenge. Right. According to one of those cheesy, 90s-style astrology websites, Scorpios are extremely ambitious, determined, and manipulative. Ooh, I guess I really am meant to be in Slytherin.  Supposedly their sarcasm can come across as bitterness. Right on. Need space and privacy. Yep.  And we're very deep...? Like, does that mean I'm supposed to be Hemingway, writing in my moleskine whilst drinking coffee in a secluded area and being a complete misanthrope? Nah, man, I'm more of a limerick fan.
In all seriousness, I am a skeptic. Really, I don't buy into the idea of a computer or whoever writes these things telling me that I'm going to be blessed with money on the sixteenth of November. You expect me to fall for that? If there is any substance to zodiacs, you'd know that I'm way too suspicious to drink the kool-aid.

Also, there might be a grain of truth in the bastardization that is horoscopes: Scorpios have hypnotic eyes with penetrating stares. Soul-piercing. I've been told on many accounts that people feel like I'm staring into their souls when I look at them. I guess I never noticed how I affect people. It's fantastic. And a great deal of my friends are water signs (Scorpio, Pisces, Cancer), which are supposed to be highly compatible with Scorpios. In fact, the best friend I mentioned previously is a Scorpio. Go figure.

I guess Scorpios are pretty cool after all.

Day 113: BAMFin'

'Illin: 1) partaking in activities which authorities would classify as being no good

          2) chillin' like a villain

Now I'm not some thug or anything, but I have moments where I like to think of myself as one intellectual BAMF. I mean, sitting on top of mailboxes while cops drive around? Classy. Rapping in front of my English class last year? Moxy. Today I was to have a brush with the law. Now, in all seriousness, the worst brush I've had with the law is probably stealing* a few copies of movies from my local library and downloading a few tunes illegally.

Today I filled out a form to be accepted to a convention in New York City, TEDYouth. Only, I was forced into lying about my age in order to get into this convention for the sake of knowledge and expanding my horizons and whatnot. My teacher told me to take advantage of the opportunity, okay?! Honestly, it sounds like a fantastic convention and I'm hoping the stars will align for me to get accepted.

Ciao, interweb-friend-ernets. Yes, that is a zefrank reference. 

*By this I mean inadvertently not-returning the movies for how awesome they are and the fact that I'm parsimonious with spending money on movies. Hey, mo' money, mo' problems.

Day 112: Cause I'm a film-lovin' wench

So while everyone was out at the school dance (which I did not go to because tickets sold out. bleh), I stayed home, had gourmet pizza, and had a movie night. In my opinion, this is truly a superior way to spend my Friday nights, but to each his own.

 Because we're nearing Halloween, I started off the night with The Shining. Stanley Kubrick is a genius. Intense way to start off the night, but it was good. I'm pretty much convinced that Danny had schizophrenia. Freaky....
Then to lighten things up I watched the comedic gold that is Anchorman. Seriously, guys, every line in that film is gospel. Pure hilarity. '"I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION." If ever there were a film that I wished I'd written, Anchorman is the one. "I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song!" This movie is my soul.
And to finish off my night as a self-proclaimed, pretentious, teenage auteur, I watched 50/50. Now this one knows how to be both funny and emotionally vulnerable, which I think is the best thing a film can be. Not only is THE Joseph Gordon-Levitt in this movie, but Seth Rogen. Frakkin' SETH ROGEN. Catch my drift? The on-screen friendship between the two is so organic and funny. The cinematography and soundtrack of this movie just meld together so well. Great one-liners in this one too. It's a movie about a guy with cancer that isn't self-pitying; something you don't come across often.

I had a stellar night. Enjoy the movies if you haven't seen them already, but really? If you haven't seen these already, what are you doing with your life?
Stay class, San Diego.

Day 100: New York

When you're as uncultured as I was before I got to New Jersey, you get excited over just seeing trees. You can hardly imagine the sort of heartgasms I was going through when I got to see New York City for the first time.
At first, we walked through the financial district of Manhattan, and in fifty degree rainy weather, I was bitchin' about everything. And then we made it to the World Trade Center. And all the shopping centers. And the mutha-huggin' Empire State Building. Did I mention Soho? All of it was glorious and pulsating and I have never been so in love with a city before. Honestly, I was just sighing the whole time because of how alive everything was. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm impressed by every little thing, but I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by all the people walking around, each housing their own interesting secrets and stories. I wanted to get to know all of them. God, it was beautiful. I was lucky enough to find a quirky photo-booth picture near Old Navy of a couple. It was a sweet little picture but I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Whomever it belonged to obviously didn't want it anymore.

So sweet. Slightly intrusive.

The smells of all the foods were dizzying in the best way possible. It was complete sensory overload. Perfection. And after walking around until I could no longer distinguish the pavement from my feet, we got Starbucks. Need I say more? It was spectacular. Seattle, you've got a tough competitor. Watch out.

I happen to think I look really cute in this picture. Narcissism? Me? No way.